I seriously hate being an emotional wreck. I've cried more times in the past three days than I have in the past three years. I'm generally a very happy go lucky person, really and truly. I suppose I should start from the beginning. My life right now is not wonderful. Since my last journal (sorry it was so terribly long ago, so much has happened since then too...) I have gotten and lost my first boyfriend, have been gleefully, on both sides of the equation, embaressed countless times to the wonderful shade of beet red by friends who found precisely what to say, and it looks cute (?). Been to Disney twice, gotten into a huge fight with my best friend over the guy I dated, her ex whom she still liked/likes a lot, and she more than likely will never speak to me again. Had a wonderful time with my chorus at a competition, gotten into countless fights with my mother about everything from whether or not I'm secretly dating my neighbor (and as of right now I'm
not allowed to associate with him or his family) to what is better on a sandwich, peanut butter or jelly. Okay, maybe not quite that bad, but certainly bad enough. And it's taking it's toll on my psyche and I don't like it. Everyone knows me as the happy-go-lucky, optimistic, ever-peppy child who stands out among the crowd with her bright clothes and brighter personality. I don't like dissappointing them. I want to be the girl everyone thinks I am, the one whose life is perfect, who never has a bad thing to say about anyone because she gets along with everone. I snapped at one of my best guy friends yesterday because he asked me if I was okay. Blew up in his face and later felt absolutely horrid about it. I don't want to do that. On top of everything, I now have this chick in my head that I talk to. She's a character of mine, I wanted to have a conversation with someone who knew as much as I did, or as little, however you see it, so I created a charrie based off me and my situation. Her name's Jackie, I'll probly have a story about her up here soon. I talk to her when I can't talk to anyone else. I don't know if that means I need psychiatric help, if I talk to my characters and they speak back. I find I don't know a lot of things these days.